Thursday, October 3, 2013

autumn air

There was an urgent feeling of preparation in the air today. We went about the day in a flurry of winterization activity. I harvested the last of the herbs for drying and the remaining Chinese cabbage, mustard greens, and carrots from my little kitchen garden patch near the house. All that remained salvageable from the flooded main garden were some onions and basil. Everything else was completely destroyed, but I've accepted that and am counting my blessings regardless.


I had a moment today to sit in the sun and watch the bees, appearing just as purposeful and busy as I. They seemed drawn to the little yellow flowers on the cabbage, likely the only cultivated plant still flowering on the whole property. The beekeeper came recently and thinks we're in danger of losing the hive this winter - the bottom box was likely flooded, and he couldn't find a queen or any brood. I asked if they could reproduce and get their numbers up before the cold comes, and he answered, "Yes, if they choose to." That gave me a lot of peace, that simple phrase. And I've been contemplating it a lot these days. If they choose to. There is so much I wish I had control over - I struggle quite a lot with it, to be honest. Wanting to help, to fix, to save, to change the outcome. But in the end, most decisions are not mine to make. As much as I want to live as though I am the one orchestrating events in my life, most of the time things are just happening around me. Or, in times of hardship, they often feel like they're happening to me. How much more content I could be if I would embrace the fact that I am a part of the whole, with only my own choices to make - how freeing to let go of the burden of decision for others, and how arrogant I felt to realize that I wouldn't necessarily make the right choice anyway. If they choose to....


I still left all the flowering stalks standing tall for the bees, though, just in case they need them.

5 comments:

  1. It is difficult to keep from trying to fix everything, isn't it? Must be that nurturing gene... :) Sending your bees lots of positive energy - we need more bees in the world. Your bucket full of herbs veges looks just wonderful. I am glad you made it through okay. We always have next year.

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  2. Oh, this is a struggle of mine, too, Jamie. I want to be in charge because that seems to make life less uncertain. But, I've grown to realize the control is all an illusion. It works out because it works out--not because I forced it to work out. I sure hope the best for your bee hive though. You left them flowers. The rest is up to them.

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  3. Your bit of harvest looks lovely, Jaime. I so agree with remaining thankful despite circumstances. Makes all of life easier to appreciate.

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  4. Such a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. :)

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  5. Oh my... Yes. Powerful it is to surrender and do nothing but watch and accept. Brilliant post, Jaime - I REALLY needed to read this message today. XO

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