Tuesday, December 20, 2011
gathering up and drawing in
The days of family gatherings and drawing in closer together have arrived here at the farm. And with it, I've also finally found the fullness of the holiday spirit, which for some reason was eluding me a bit this year. But I found it, bit by bit, as I began baking cookies, knitting gifts, and cooking for family parties. It wasn't necessarily in all the making or baking itself that the feeling came, but in the fact that I was trying to be of service to the ones I love; To offer them a piece of myself; To be generous, first and foremost, with my time. I kept searching inside myself, longing for that contented feeling to arrive and waiting far too long for it, when all I really needed to do was turn my gaze outward. What I discovered was that I didn't need to feel a certain way in order to act that way. It was, in fact, when I started acting more generous that I began to feel the spirit of this season of giving.
This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately--how often do we allow ourselves to passively await something to come upon us--a feeling, a blessing, an opportunity--instead of actively working toward it? And how often do our fears of not obtaining something we're searching for prevent us from carrying on? I had just about given up on capturing the magic that usually seems so abundant this time of year, until I decided to let go of my desire to feel a certain way and replace it with simply being that way. And so this is what I've been working toward in my heart; gathering myself up, trying to tend to the needs of those around me, and drawing them ever closer in. How about you? Have you had to lose yourself to find your spirit, too?